Hi folks. I realise my blog has been lacking in anime related content and I hear your complaints. That’s why I’m excited to unveil this top secret project I’ve been working on. After extensive study and sleepless nights researching, I have complied a revolutionary new listicle. All Hail Haruhi Kyon Productions presents…

Top Five Characters That Did Absolutely Nothing Wrong

– Spoilers for; One Piece, K-on!, OreImo, Shinsekai Yori & Re;Zero –

#1 – Admiral Akainu – One Piece

Let’s face it. Pirates are scum. They infest the seas with their filth and threaten to turn our peaceful world to chaos. That’s why we should all be grateful to people like Akainu for standing up in the name of justice. It’s simple enough, give no mercy and no quarter; yet still many marines fail to live up to their oath-bound duties. Akainu simply isn’t one of those people.

Remember his valliant actions at Marineford in securing the death of Gol D. Rodgers criminal son? Even when bloodied and bruised from Whitebeard’s cowardly attacks, he still drove on, almost killing the equally guilty Monkey D. Luffy, son of the infamous Revolutionary Dragon. How can anyone not be impressed by that.

Some may call him crass, or even monstrous, but only those who are honest with themselves will admit that Akainu has done absolutely nothing wrong.

#2 – Mugi – K-On!

Okay, so I understand this will be the most controversial choice on this list but here me out. Mugi was well within her right to take the Strawberry off Mio’s cake.

It’s a dog eat dog world. Survival of the fittest. First come and first serve. In my opinion, if Mio wanted that strawberry then she should have been quicker to the draw. You don’t get by in life if you have to rely on others to protect you. If you can’t stand up for yourself then you deserve to have all your desert strawberries taken.

By teaching Mio that the world isn’t fair, I believe it’s undebatable that Mugi did absolutely nothing wrong.

#3 – Kyousuke Kousaka – OreImo

Love is a powerful emotion. You can fill out online quizzes and personality tests, but in the end you can’t be sure who you’ll fall in love with. Sometimes ‘the one’ is in another country. Sometimes ‘the one’ is much closer to home. Kyousuke didn’t choose to love his sister, it just happened. Who are we to say he’s wrong? Who are we to pass judgement?

Kyousuke loving his sister is a bit unorthodox, sure, but isn’t it also kind of romantic? Just a boy and a girl…having a bit of fun…sharing genetics…

…
…
…incest

They say blood is thicker than water, so I think it’s safe to say Kyousuke did absolutely nothing wrong

#4 – Squealer – Shinsekai yori

So your people have been oppressed their entire lives. Mocked, used and treated like cattle. One day you decide enough is enough. The next day you formulate a plan. On the last day, you kidnap some teenagers, force them to have a baby, kill them and then raise their infant child to be the perfect weapon. With this child you launch an uprising, using it to kill entire villages full of innocent people, all in the name of freedom.

I see nothing wrong here. Absolutely nothing.

#5 – Petelgeuse Romanée-Conti – Re;Zero

If you’ve been raised right, then you’ve learned to accept people for who they are, irrespective of any quirks they might possess. They could be introverted, wildly eccentric or perhaps even an emotionless cultist committed to torturing you. The point is twofold.

1. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover, even if that cover happens to have beady eyes and inhuman bodily contortions.
2. Some people have brains that tremble, causing them to kill in the hopes of earning a witches favour. If their mom’s can still love them then you can too.

Learn to accept and forgive, because despite first impressions, Petelgeuse has absolutely never done anything wrong.

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So if you need to take a minute to process all that, fine, I know it’s a lot. You may also be feeling a sense of inadequacy about your own blog posts now. Don’t worry, that’s normal, not all get to achieve such literary greatness.

Be sure to look out for the follow up “Top five anime characters you’d regret having casual sex with when you wake up the next morning”, which should be out tomorrow.

Happy April 1st!