So things have been fairly difficult this month, which has caused a much longer break on the blog than I originally anticipated. I don’t really want to keep up the veil of silence, so I might as well explain the situation in as much detail as I can.
1/2 – Career change
So as of last month I decided to make a massive leap of faith in my work life. Since I started working I’ve exclusively done admin style jobs, including all the additional qualifications and training related to it. However to be truthful it’s not where my passions lie. I would love to make a living through writing and commentary but the stark reality is that it won’t ever pay the bills. The market is simply too diluted at this point, and I don’t have the financial luxury to just persevere. So instead of trying and failing to balance the work-life scales in order to better accommodate one as a hobby and one as a chore, I instead decided to find work that I can enjoy while still keeping on top of the writing side of things.
Enter the academy for gaming and casinos, who just happened to discover me at the right moment in time. I got fast tracked onto the earliest available course (which happened to start early February) which lasts a full six weeks and will allow me to work as a Croupier anywhere in the UK. To be clear, I never imagined myself doing this kind of work. I had no interest in gambling (and still never would personally) but being on the course has broadened my perspective quite a bit. There is a surprising amount of skill required to be a Croupier, while still having the ‘fun factor’ of getting to play [deal] games all day. Since I’m still in training I can’t say for sure whether this is the career path for me, but I feel it’s an option worth exploring if I am ever going to be content at work.
Unsurprisingly the relatively short length of the course means days are packed. It’s a full 8 hours a day with an additional 2 hours of transit to get to the training site. The work itself is mostly hands on, non-stop, and highly demanding. By the end of each day I’m so exhausted that I need caffeine to stay awake past 7pm. Once you factor in housework and basic hygiene standards, I don’t get much free time, and with what little remains I’d rather sit down and relax instead of diving head first into a new blog post. Cue long break between now and the last post. That’s the current reality, although it’s a profession that becomes easier over time, so I don’t expect it to always be so draining.
2/2 – Life can be difficult
But I would lying if I said that was the only reason I haven’t released anything. For the sake of transparency, a lot has been happening in my personal life, which has begun to make me increasingly uncomfortable. Things just aren’t right, which is starting to reflect how I behave around others. I want to continue being that beacon of boundless positivity and encouragement, but for the first time in a long while, it feels like a genuine effort. As in I actually have to try real hard to do that.
I’m not depressed per say, but I can’t explain the specific situation without going into more detail than I am currently comfortable with. I’m actively trying to get better, but I suspect it will be a long process. I feel the need to share that much, because I don’t want people to think that this is me giving up, or that they have tiptoe around me now that things have changed. I’ll try to be regular ol’ me but if that proves challenging then don’t be surprised by the lack of sunshine and rainbows. Believe me when I say that is not a reflection on you or anyone else.
At the very least, Twitter, WordPress, Books and Anime should all prove useful distractions in the days to come. Hopefully in-between all the busywork I can find time for a post or two, so that ‘All Hail Haruhi’ doesn’t get buried alongside the issues of ‘Haruhi’. No promises though, I kind of have to put my own well being above an arbitrary post quota. I hope you’re all doing okay.
Thanks for reading!